On Fear and Parenting

Today we celebrated Lensbaby's fifth birthday.  Lensbaby is the name of the mom-tographers group I'm a part of.  They are responsible for many, many of the photo ops from which I've posted pictures in the last year and a half. 

We celebrated at a splash park in a neighboring city.  

 

This splash park used to give me such intense anxiety before I had 3 kids.  

 

I felt certain that if I looked down at my camera for even a second, someone would snatch one of my kids and be gone before I looked back up. 

It is truly remarkable how quickly your mind can recall every Lifetime Original movie about kidnapping, replaying them instantly in your mind merely seconds after you realize your kid is not where you thought he/she would be.

It is not my mind's most helpful skill.

But I was realizing today that I didn't feel that way -- or at least, not nearly as much as before.

Of course my awareness is heightened in a park like this -- open to anybody, no fence, with a few dozen kids and a parking lot very close by.  How could it not be. 

But what surprised me was the lack of paralyzing fear about it.  

 

The kids play together.  They stay close together, and pretty close to me.  They are, at least for now, a cohesive little group.

I don't know if it was that, or the fact that I have had to let go of some control issues over the past year, having three kids.  

There are personal limitations I just have to acknowledge on a daily basis.  I cannot get them all the sippy cup they want at the moment they want it.

 

I can't spare them the despair suffered while waiting for a turn with whatever plastic toy is the darling of the day.

 

I can't hold all three of them when they're all three upset or hurting at the exact same moment.  

But that's ok.  I have begun to accept it -- this helplessness every parent has to come to terms with during child-rearing.  You cannot control every circumstance all the time.  

Heck, you can't even control every circumstance some of the time.  

Yet, the kids are ok.  The momentary despair they experience on a day-to-day basis doesn't destroy them.

And despite my trying my very hardest to care for their every need, my limitations are real--and the kids are not destroyed by those either.

It's as if they're in someone else's hands altogether.

Someone bigger than me, whose love and power is not limited and whose patience is never exhausted.

It's as if they're safe.  And a peace that passes understanding is with me.

While I snap photos of my three precious babies. In this splash park with no fence.

Milestone Reflections

Can someone come tell this kiddo that he is still a baby?  He seems to think he is a toddler.




I am beginning to get it.  I've seen moms do this, and I could never really sympathize before.



How could milestones achieved ever be anything but a relief... a blessing... even a point of pride?  The milestones of the first kid are so exciting.  Each one.  I couldn't wait for the next one.  So exciting.



And the milestones of the next child I suppose I always compared to the first child -- not in a competitive way, exactly.



More just checking them off--yes, that's normal... that's what my first one did.



But with this little guy, the milestones are bittersweet.  They are coming too fast, and I think they will continue that way; he is in such a hurry to catch up with his siblings.



He makes for a delightful baby.  And the big kids are delightful big kids.  But the attitudes they develop sometime after 18 months can be trying.



And this one is still mostly grateful, cheerful, and just happy to be here.  Life is full of bittersweets.



But for now, he's still just 8 months.  He's still more a baby than a kindergartner.  And tomorrow he'll still be a baby.



I haven't missed it... this time period is not behind me yet.  And although some days I can't help looking forward to the years ahead, when babies aren't hanging on me all the time and the floor stays picked-up all afternoon... still, some days I am just so grateful to be wandering through Diaper Valley with Daniel.



It is sweet to see all these milestones Oliver is reaching, one day at a time. 

A Somewhat Disturbing Tea Party - Addendum

Great news.  Mystery solved!  Pondering over. 



Lucy's favorite shows (and also Elliot's) at the moment are these:
1.  Strawberry Shortcake
2.  Doc McStuffins
3.  Bo On the Go
4.  Daniel Tiger


Guess which TV character routinely pulls out her cell phone (while with her friends) -- usually to see where so-and-so is or coordinate a future visit, etc.  Yes.  You guessed it.

Hah!  Daniel figured it out.  So despite the (possibly?) growing movement of hands-free mamas ... with their fears of "missing childhoods"by being distracted with your cell phone (and other electronics), it appears that at least this little behavior of Lucy's is NOT due to copying a phone-obsessed mother.  SCORE. 


Of all the ways I may be screwing up my kids while trying my BEST not to... being on my phone too much is not currently one of them.


And although I sometimes worry that I'm going to want to raise my kids in a bubble, I can definitely see that withholding Strawberry Shortcake for fear of teaching poor phone etiquette... that's bubble land, for sure. 
 

So carry on, Strawberry Shortcake -- carry on with your catchy theme song and your female-empowering, problem-solving, fruit-loving stories. 
 

Some days, we need you just as much as your "real" friends.

Life Skills

I was talking with a group of moms this last week about helping your children to develop life skills. 



It would seem most in our culture under-estimate their kids' abilities for a given age, myself included. 



It requires so much effort and energy at the forefront to teach small children to do household tasks, that it's tempting to blow it off completely.

 

...but giving in to that temptation is no good, in the long run. 



It seems to breed resentment in everybody, and it certainly doesn't produce hard-working, capable older children. 
 

So I've been making an effort, here and there, to see more potential in my kids' abilities and to spend a little more time training them in tasks that I would otherwise like to be done with as soon as possible. 



It's amazing how much they like doing some of these things! 
 

Lucy's job is to clean out the silverware. 
 

She's only really done it a handful of times, but I can tell she feels proud of herself for getting to help, and she actually is learning how to sort the silverware properly and not just dump it all into the silverware drawer. 
 

I know before long whether she has to do the silverware will be yet another battle. 
 

But for now, it's an exciting new responsibility she enjoys. 



I would like to keep my mind on that -- appreciating her enthusiasm while it lasts and not already dreading the battles ahead. 



Both Lucy and Elliot enjoy "having a turn" with the carrot peeler when I'm peeling carrots.  This has resulted in my trying to peel carrots in secret.  We only have one peeler, and if I have to give them each a turn, that substantially increases the amount of time it takes me to peel a big pile of carrots.  But in spite of that, they each usually get a couple of turns with the carrot peeler. 



(Why don't I just buy another carrot peeler?)  And Lucy had a particularly pleasant time the other day peeling her carrot into the front end loader.  You will not find that activity on any of the Pinterest "toddler activity" pages, but it sure kept her occupied for a good 10 minutes. 



Time well spent, in my opinion--even if it slowed down dinner preparations by a good 10 minutes.