We celebrated my friend Anne's birthday last week at Mi Cocina. It was mayhem.
Ten kids, 7 adults. We got through it, but there were some very loud moments in there.
I actually didn't want to go. I've been in something of a funk the past few weeks. I think it has to do with a couple things--some hard relationships, some ending relationships, some feelings of being unsettled with regard to my identity and my career and all of that.
I battled internally through the lunch. Elliot was intent on crying, no matter what I tried.
Two of the other moms held him the entire time I ate and fed Lucy, and I was torn between gratitude to these moms and shame, because I wondered if they felt I couldn't handle my two kids on my own. Actually, with this particular group of moms, we help out with each others' kids quite a bit.
These particular moms who were holding Elliot for me are the kind of moms who are there for you when you need it, and they don't hold it over your head.
And yet, the battle within me raged on. Humility is a funny thing. Do you ever find it difficult to receive a gift? A compliment? A little help? A lot of help? There is something really difficult in it, for me.
I need more practice with this. I'm glad to have people walking alongside to help me practice, one day at a time.
And to hold Elliot sometimes.
Thank you for posting. I really missed seeing you this morning. Hoping by next week, things will be more normal.
ReplyDeleteLove you....MOM
Every mom experiences what you have expressed. Every mom has a time where they need someone to hold or care for their crying child so that they can eat, breathe or cry themselves. Look at it this way - the friend who held Elliot for you now knows that when she finds herself in that same situation, she can count on you to hold her crying baby without there being any judgement passed. It is difficult to ask for help. It is harder to receive it. And the toughest challenge in life, regardless of our current stage, is to embrace the limitations of our humanity. That is why God gives us the gifts of our faith, family and friends. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful, Kim. Thank you for this post. I can't wait to talk to you!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kris, Mom, and Heidi :). I always enjoy reading each one of your comments. Thanks for following the blog.
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